Trip to San Fran

For all Cryssy's friends who may still be in the Bay Area. Her sisters will be making the trip in her honor this coming weekend. It will be a year exactly from the date of her passing and her sisters feel they want to be in San Fran to mark this annual passing. Please let me know if you would like to meet up with them and show them some of your fav places that you went with Cryssy. I will not be making the trip as I am not ready!

If you do not live in the Bay Area, Please pray for them as I think this is going to be a harder trip then they realize.

Love,
Janet

Life after death

OK for those of you that worry about me, don't. I have God and a great family! Life is hard when you lose a child but it does not stop. Work, school, and life continues whether you want it to or not. At some point you have to pick up the pieces and go on. Things hit me at strange times, but over all I am OK. At times I can feel Cryssy saying "Mom I Love you!" Other times I talk to birds and animals ( OK maybe not normal on second thought maybe you should worry) ;)~ but seriously I am OK.

Here is what I have learned from all this; life is truly short seize the moment, not the day to many moments in a day SEIZE THE MOMENT! Feel what you feel and know that it is OK. Live for happiness. Don't dwell on the bad. I have and it is ugly! Just ask Rick he can tell you. I have had and will continue to have my break downs, and I am OK knowing this. Dates like Cryssy's B-day that was hard.I went the whole day knowing I would have a hard time. At the end of the day I did. The end of every month I get weird, as long as Rick knows why he can handle me. Rick is truly a God send for me. He loves me, knows that I am sometimes strange, happy, sad, loving, soft and caring all in the same day. He knew this before but failed to really understand it. I know he understands it now. OK maybe just maybe Cryssy got it from me.
In all of life during the past 8 1/2 months since she passed. Wow 8 1/2 months seems like last week. But yes it has been that long since her funeral. We have continued to live and have entertained many times in our home since that date. Happenings since July 29Th; Jenny had her B-day Aug 3 the day before Cryssy's funeral, not one she will forget, George passed on Sept 11, my sister's husband. Andrew played football for the first time! He did OK for a first timer. It was good for me to get out yell for the team. Get out of myself and see the big picture. Andrew, Jackie and Cindy had B-days in Nov, Rick went on unemployment and I went back to work for a temp agency, not doing that so much after several calls with your job is over. Thanksgiving we had family here as usual. Dec. we saw the end of football, I finished Kingwood College, and Christmas as normal people do and it was good. Jan. came and went, Feb. was my B-day, I planted seeds for the garden watched them grow and took care of them like kids, March Cryssy's B-day,and now we are in April, Easter was great family and grand kids here for eggs and food! We have had many friends and family over and parties for their B-days. Life does go on and there is no stopping it. So embrace it and find your happiness

Temp Bridge

This is the temporary bridge that Rick made. The raft is one that Andrew and I take to look around the pond. Andrew and Kiwi our dog have made trips without me :(~ Oh well Andrew is 12 and is allowed fun on his own.

Work in Progres

Here are the new photos of the island after cutting back the brush.

Beaver Dam

This picture is of the Beaver dam in the back of the pond. We had a couple of beavers move in and make the dam cut a few trees down I even found the hole where they dug under the Island to make a home. We have not seen any sign of them lately so I wonder if they are still there. But they left their mark on the island and pond. I also found Duck eggs on the island, these things have been left there as they are natural and that is what should be.

Things Cryssy loved were her bunny, her Siamese cats, Lucy and Sadie who both died here while she was in New Orleans cleaning up after Katrina. Yes I am bad as they died while I had them. Well anyway, she loved; animals, graffiti art, her ladder that she brought home when she came to Texas for awhile, boys she loved her boys all of them! her friends, family, music, natural things like flowers and vitamins, poetry, journals she has more then 20 journals that she kept during her short lifetime. One day I might read them, just not yet. She loved expensive things like vintage clothes and some crazy clothes like her Chucks that were worn out and still wore them with holes and rips. Which she could not wash because she knew they would not stay together. She loved cheap clothes from Goodwill and resale shops. She loved to dress up even though she did not match in our eyes she felt pretty in what she wore even if everyone else looked at her and thought WOW. She wore what she liked and it did not matter what others thought.

First Bridge

Front of Pond with the first bridge. Rick has made a temporary bridge and we are working on a permanent one. My brother David and Rick are working on making what is in my head. Ha ha ha. This is fun, see what is in my head now make it. Well anyway hopefully I can find the words to describe what I visualize.

Back of pond

Personalize It!

I will be sending this page to everyone I know and want you all to know that you are welcome to have your input on the Island. If you have or find something you want to add to the Island you are free to send it or come and add it to what others have done. Cryssy was very unique and I want the Island to show her personality. She was playful, funny, sophisticated and elegant yet strange at times. This is what I see on the Island. I have told my children that could have sections that they chose to do what they want in memory of Cryssy and this invitation extends to everyone. If you see a wind chime, statue, fountain or anything else that reminds you of her Please fell free to add it. Some things I have bought so far; a rabbit statue, in memory of her rabbits she had, a plague that says in "Dedicated in Loving Memory of Crystal Hope Lilley",and a small statue that says "HOPE" with a star cut out of it. These seem to be easy to find and say what I need is Hope. I named her after my mother Maxine Hope Lilley, I am glad I did. I will be adding pictures of the Island from time to time so everyone can see what is being done and how it is coming along.

Cryssy Pond

Cryssy Pond Well I cut down the Yopons and now I need to burn them off. And start putting flowers out there. I have a vision for the Island as it will be a garden for Cryssy. I want wind chimes, benches and climbing vines. I am going to put my hammock chair out there. I think we need a ladder maybe put vines on it. I wish I had an Army of people to help me do it quickly, I know this will be a labor of love and patience. It will not get finished overnight. But I can see what it looks like. Cryssy was unique and this garden will be also. I want laminated Pictures of her out there so I can see it when I go sit out there. Pictures of her when she was little and then the ones I like to most showing just how beautiful she was.

Happy Birthday Cryssy

Hi ya'll!
I know it has been awhile and for that I apologize. Today is Cryssy's birthday, she would have been 31. In her honor we are looking at getting a headstone. I have not met with the people who will make it yet but have spoken to them. Reggie says it will cost from $800 to $1,000. I have had request to allow many of you to help pay for it and so here it is. If anyone would like to contribute to her headstone then please email me at jbgates555@earthlink.net. I will let you know how to do so.

I am also make a garden area for her. I am expecting several rose bushes to be delivered at the end of this month. I decided to put the garden near the pond. Our pond has an island in the middle which we named Andrew Island after we moved here because he loved it so much. We are going to build a bridge and plant flowers and a tree there. Anyone living in the area are free to come by and help if they so wish. If any of her friends come to Porter, we would love for you to stop by and chat or even work in Cryssy Garden at any time.

My kids are worried about me, because of today's date. So far so good, other than no sleeping last night. Andrew hurt his ankle at school and slept with us and Rick was snoring hard so I slept on the couch which did not help anything.

On a good note next week is Spring break and Andrew is looking for to it. Little does he know he will be going to work with mom and dad. ;)~ Oh well we have to have things to look forward to huh.

Well gotta go do trim on cabinets now.

Love you all
Janet

Happily Ever After

Freedom

After getting away safely, she felt the fish telling her directions as to where to go. She followed the directions and upon arriving at the mansion, as she left the buggie in the drive and walked up to the door. She turned the handle and entered, as she enter the mansion she was transformed into a Princess. The dress was beautiful and as she was gorgeous. She was so excited to have this dream come true; all she could do was dance. She feed the fish and celebrated their new found life.

Setting the fish free

The pictures tell a story of a fish that wanted a better life. The fish seemed to speak to the girl and the girl knew she had to take it home. The girl had no money and so she decided to risk it all to set the fish free. She grabbed the fish in his bowl set him safely in the shopping cart. Then when she felt the coast was clear she ran out the door buggie, fish and all. She looked back to make sure they were free and ran with all her might.

In searchof the Photograher

Crystal had some pictures taken by a friend that was a photograher. THese are those pics. I am looking for this guy, as I would like to have more of these pics. If any one knows the man please let me know so that I can talk to him.

Thank you
Janet

As Time Passes

Well I know the last couple of blogs have been hard to read. So here is a lighter one. For those of you who have continued to send your well wishes even after reading what I wrote I thank you. It is hard to live through this type of thing, but it makes it easier to know there are friends who are loving and loyal even in the face of hard words. These last couple of post go directly to a few people and not to everyone whom I know.

OK Andrew turned 12 on Sat. He also played 2 football games 1 win, 1 loss. Then we had the team over to sit and hang out we cooked and ate and had a great time. Then 6 of the players spent the night as well as 2 neighbor boys. Wow can I say insane, to have 9, 10-13 yr old boys over night and all the next day. I am insane now if I wasn't before. They ate tons of pancakes for lunch because I was to tired to cook them before noon. But a great time was had by all, the boys were good and got along with each other just great. Not one single fight which I felt was simply amazing. Andrew got Crystal's PSP for his big present and he will cherish it for the rest of his life. He has wanted one for awhile now. But the fact it was Cryssy's before is the best. Now he has something that was hers and it is something he wanted. I couldn't have asked for more to see his face and understand how he felt.

Thank ya'll for hanging in there with me, and to all the new people I have met that were Cryssy's friends thank you for loving her and being her friend.

Love and Peace
Janet

Life is Precious

Today, 10-31, while talking to BroDon on the phone he is praying for me and my family, a Parakeet flew into my garage. We finish praying, I watched the bird all the while. After hanging up with him I slowly walk over to the bird speaking softly to him. I laid my hand on the floor near where the bird was sitting, and continued to talk letting him know I mean no harm. He came up to my hand, and then backed away. I tried to catch him and he flew away, but not too far. I continued talking to the bird trying to catch him. By the third try I was successful. I held this beautiful bird in my hands looking at him and talking to him as if he was a person. Perhaps Crystal, I know that sounds absurd but given the circumstances I feel that maybe this was a symbol of her. Once caught and held the plan unfolded, where to keep him and take care of him. I do not have a bird cage and where do I find one cheap? We found a container I felt is ok. I went to resale shop after resale shop trying to find a bird cage to keep him in. It took me 3 hours to find a cage and then buy the items needed to care for a bird. I arrived home with excitement that I am prepared to take care of this small helpless creature. We put the cage together and get the food and water ready for his new found home, only to find that in the 3 hours it took me to get this together he has died.

Now if taken in all life's reality we can assume that if this bird was Cryssy in real life. There is a lesson to be learned. Finding life that you are responsible for and the excitement of that you prepare for it and no sooner do you find the way, it is taken from you. This life be it a bird or child once you figure out how to take care of it, it is sometimes taken from you. Did I grieve for the bird no, I only wish I had a real chance to do it justice.

Did I do Cryssy justice? Well I would like to think so, however, with her move to San Fran. I could not do what I needed to do. The distance and cost of jumping when she really needed me exceeded the monetary ability to help. So where does this leave Cryssy and I? There were times I could have but did not have the money. There were the times I was there and did not spend the time with her that I could have. The moral of this story is that if you have the ability and chance to help, Do it!

My motto in life has been for many years, "Life is all attitude, so have a good one!" I know that Cryssy held the same attitude but she put hers into her own words and lived it as her own. She was a great daughter and will be missed by all.