Today I took the hand of a wonderfull man and he walked me through the doors of the funeral home where Cryssy will be soon. Rick, this wonderful man has held me tight and held me up as I try, to get through this time. There are no words to describe how bad this hurts. I think the pain is same no matter what age a child suddenly leaves this earth. My children are great and we hold each other up during our hard moments and hours.
Cryssy went to sleep and never woke up again. All I can think is I was not there told her during her last breath as I was for her first. I was totally unaware as she slipped from this earth into the hands of God. I can not explain how bad that hurts. She died Sat morning around 3 I am told and yet it will be at least Wed before I will get to see her face. I prayed so hard God don't let it be my Cryssy. I just want to feel her soft little hands and feel her arms around my neck. This can never be again.
All I can think is God enjoy her for I will have to wait until I leave this earth to feel her arms again. I know that you guys are praying for my family and all I can say is please don't stop. This next week will prove to be the hardest I have ever lived.
5 comments:
Please share your pics memories and stories of my wonderful daughter. Thank you for your prayers and love in our time of grief. Janet
Dear Janet and Rick and Family
The pain of the loss of a child is indescribable. I have not been in your shoes but can relate with the loss of my sister and her son 19 years and 5 days prior to your Crystal, our granddaughter. Even after all of this time I still cry but feel it is just because of the love that was there.And it is OK.
It warms our heart to know our Rick is there to hold and support you now and always.
It is hard to understand what God's plans are at a time like this. I have always felt He had a more important job for them to do with Him.
Our prayers and thoughts are with you, Rick and your family.
P.S. There was a beautiful sunset over towards the bay area Sat nite, I took a picture.
Love Mom and Dad
First memory I have of Crystal was when Deerbrook was brand new and still meeting at ET North. One night, Crystal and I were playing a crazy mix between tag and a food fight. Somone had a shower and a huge cake was in the freezer. Of course, Crystal got me first, but I smushed some up her nose and when she went into the walk-in freezer for more, I locked her in. She was in there a good 5 min or more (which is long when its cold and dark). . . We laughed so hard it hurt. . .well actually, she punched me then we laughed!
I remember our first trip to Guatemala (the orphanage in Temal) and she was so excited over just about everything--and she wanted me to teach her spanish words. After what seemed about 100 words, it started raining and I was very tired---of course Crystal had so much energy and her blue eyes were wide open waiting for the next word. When lighting hit nearby, she said "ooooo, how do u say lightning?!?!" Now, on the larger words, I would break up the syllables in chunks and have her repeat each chunk slowly. Well, I forgot what lightning was and I was tired so I said, "ok, this is hard---LIE" (and she repated LIE, holding it out and waiting for me to feed her the next syllable). . after a few seconds I finally said "TE-NING". . .she said it and it took her a couple seconds to realize she just said "lighting" . . .in english. . .we laughed so hard---and then she frogged my arm. . .lol
One time, in the summer, we were bored, so a bunch of us broke up into teams. . The object of the game was to get the most believable of costumes, go to the airport and see who can find the other team first. . .Crystal was on my team. She was dressed in a country looking dress, had a red-haired wig that had hair flowign down to her waist, no makeup and she stuffed her dress with a pillow. . she looked like a pregnant country girl. . .I got a walker and we went to the costume store to get this fake skin that made me look like an old man---you put it on like glue and it dries all shriveled up. As we walked through the airport, we couldnt find the other team, so I whisperd to Crystal "Im gonna fake a heart attack--pretend to give me my medicine when i fall" Crystal grabbed my arm and stearnly whispered "dont you dare!" and i said "im gonna do it" and she said "trey, so help me if you do, i am leaving you on the ground." well, i didn't give her much time to finish her sentence before I fell to the ground, throwing my walker to the side, and making a huge scene as I started to hack and cough. . .and what did Crystal do? she made a beeline to the bathroom that happened to be right next to us. . .when i looked up, all these strangers were all around me askign me if i were ok. . .i got up, got my walker and Crystal finally came out and said "grandpa, THERE you are! Did you get your medicine?!?!" and we hurriedly walked away, Crystal looking back saying "Thanks for taking care of my granpa!" it was awesome. . .(by the way, we won the game shortly after when Crystal spotted Lori and Jerry--their costumes were lightyears behind Crystal and mine). . .
There are more stories, but the things that will always impress me about Crystal is how she was so imginative and lived life to the extreme. . she was first to love the most unlovely kids in the 4th ward or guatemala, she was the first to get excited about things other people took for granted, she was the first to make you laugh and the last to make you cry, she was hard-headed but rarely gave up when it counted. . .i have a lot of good memories of when i was in highschool and youth group and crstyal is in many of them. . .i miss her laugh and her liveliness. . .
God bless you Janet and your family. . .you are in my prayers.
janet, know that you and your family are in our prayers. the thing i remember most about crystal was her smile. she always seemed to smile and had an enormous amount of energy for life. i know the everyone who had the priviledge to know her was touched in some way by her kindness and zeal for life!
Thank you for speaking to me the other day, Janet. It helped me knowing that Crystal had you & your love. Your blog here has helped me a lot as well. Seeing you call her "Cryssy" here (instead of "Crystal" like everyone else) reminds me that I used to call her that when I spoke to her. She told me I was the only one that called her that outside of her family.
I'm very sad & sorry for the loss you & your family are going through. You'll be in my prayers.
(I posted a blog in memory of Cryssy here: BrianBerge.LiveJournal.com/32795.html)
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