Today is not about others. It is about me, I hurt and the pain is great! Is there anyone out there that can hear my cries. I am mad, sad, and don't understand why. I put my greif and pain aside because my sister needed me but please tell me why no one understands my pain. Why I have to be strong for every one. Why is it that everyone feels that I need to be OK. Because I am not and I don't want to pretend but this is what everyone wants me to do. They call and write me emails wanting me to say Oh it is a good day. Yes I have good days but mostly because I shove all my fellings into the depths of my heart. Is there no one who can hold my hand and let me cry? I feel so alone and feel that this is one of those times where I just have to suck it up and be a woman. But hell being a mother is hard when your oldest child is dead.
I gave birth to Cryssy 2 weeks after my 16th birthday. I was a baby myself but I felt this is the first person in my life that will love me no matter what. I was wrong and I understand that. But God where is the relief of the pain?
